Book Review & a bit of Me: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

How many of us mothers really have an opinion on what kind of parenting is best for our children? Have we really given this a serious thought and taken steps towards achieving a certain kind of parenting. That's why I think "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" really matters. Because through this book, the author and mother, Amy Chua establishes 1) The need to give parenting a serious thought 2) and shares her personal insights on the advantages of Chinese parenting v/s Western parenting.

For Indian parents this book a lot of sense because Chinese parenting isn't very different from Indian parenting. It is just a lot more, a lot lot more rigorous going by the book. Chinese parents want their children to always get top grades. As a Chinese kid, you cannot get low grades especially in Maths and Science. You get restricted play time. You have to excel in playing an instrument. You have to be obedient at all times abiding by every rule your parents make. You are expected to graduate to earn and take care of your parents. Pretty much the Indian parenting story. 

What is remarkable in Amy's case is the amount of time she is willing to dedicate in her children's pursuits, be it her elder daughter playing the Piano or her younger daughter playing the violin. Amy dictates the schedule of her children and sort of micro manages their time. She takes most of the decisions for them and really comes out as very brutal. She doesn't mind her children going through stressful times, crying and revolting. She takes it all in with the confidence that this is for their good. She never doubts her parenting style, which is rather heavy if you compare it to the Western parenting way or even the Indian way.

Amy Chua with her daughters, Louisa and Sophia, at their home in New Haven, Conn. Erin Patrice O'Brien for The Wall Street Journal
Source: Wall Street Journal

Indian mothers would also do most of what Amy does. I know it from my mom. Although she was kinder to my schedules, she knew what she wanted from me, even if I was unhappy and failing. For instance, my mom spent a lot more time in my dance class (and she still does) trying to get me do as many shows as possible.  She enrolled me for exams and shows which I would have never opted for myself. Once enrolled, I went through them painfully enough. At that point, I used to wonder why does she do this and why does she subject me to so much undue pressure while my other friends got time to while away and enjoy?

The answer to this question - I found it in Amy Chua's book. Mothers and particularly some mothers like Amy really get hard on their children. Chinese or Indian parenting - some mothers really put their children though litmus tests, always standing by if we fail but making sure we don't fail. The reason is to make them steely strong. To make sure that later, at some meaningful stage of life, this stress test comes of use. Such children are able to handle any situation and achieve our best. The reason is so that their children make use of every living moment without wasting it away doing nothing. To simply keep them out of comfort zones. The reason is to build in their children a quest for knowledge, a hunger for success and a never say never spirit. 

So yeah, I found some answers but also wondered about questions like - is every child capable of taking Chinese parenting kind of stress? Doesn't the Western parenting way also produce geniuses? How do you decide what kind of parenting is best for your child? The book really leaves it open to readers to think about this. It has no answers, but just makes one think about parenting and its importance in a child's life. The tone of the book is also ironical with lot of self-deprecating humor, which reinstates that not everything Amy does is perfect. Every mother may stumble, may go wrong about their kids and may not know how to handle situations. It's about what you do to save the day and perhaps weave in that way, your tale of parenting!